Portrait of a Queen

There are so many thoughts swirling around in my head these days about creativity (this is pretty normal – I’ve talked about it before here.  And here.).  Right now they’re about what I have perceived as my LACK of creativity, when in fact I just need to shift my internal meaning of creativity to see that I have TONS of creative in my life right now.  I’m not sure if any of this will make sense to anyone but my mom, but here goes:

I’ve been bemoaning my lack of time in the studio to do “my stuff.”  My art, my craft, sewing, paper-dabbling, painting, futzing, etc.    Dancing.  My studio currently resides in a little pop-up room, our third floor “fire tower” bonus room up a spiral staircase, and the energy it takes to walk up those stairs has been huge lately.  Too much effort.  I look at that staircase after putting Forrest to bed (at a perfectly good time most days, mind you), and sigh in defeat.  Can’t do it.

Which is insane.

But recently I had a mini epiphany when I realized my TON of creativity resides right now in raising a toddler.  This is work, people!  This is a study in creative problem-solving effort, and it’s good.  Lately we’re singing a lot of mashups in the car, mainly Old McDonald, Wheels on the Bus, and Twinkle-Twinkle.  Old McDonald’s tiny farm has a Lion Bumblebee (and “tiny” means high-pitched voice).  The horse on the bus says Neigh! all through the town.  Twinkle-twinkle little Bus was in heavy rotation one morning.  Then he requests ‘ol mcdonal baby airplane bus?’ and I have to figure out 1) which song he wants to be the main one, 2) can I mash that all together effectively? and 3) am I willing to do it (a dozen times if he likes it)?  If that’s not creative, I don’t know what is.

My creativity is all wrapped around teaching Forrest about the world, in naming colors and counting ducks and presenting concepts and ideas and stuff in fun ways.  It’s about playing with him, not at him; joining in the play but not trying to lead it.  It’s about trying to show him new ways to look at things – look, the playdough is a snake! a ball! – and rolling along with where he takes it.  He opens my eyes daily to new ways of seeing the world – that umbrella does look like an airplane.  So does that fish!

It seems these days I’m on a crazy constant roller coaster with my creativity but it helps when I can see when I’m on the upside rather than feel like I’m always spiraling, screaming, down the hill.  The trick here is embracing this creative space and not longing for the other.  Because frankly I can’t find the energy for both right now.

And that’s okay.

What are your current thoughts on creativity?


Wordless Wednesday


tiny lizardWe’ve had quite the hatching of baby lizards this year.  Every afternoon when we get home we find 3 or 4 little guys sunning themselves on the driveway, flattened out to take advantage of all that heat, until we get too close and they scurry away to shelter – these really young, super-tiny ones are the only ones I can catch.  I marvel at the tiny eyes and tinier toes, and that just like our babies they’ll grow like magic.

I want to hug them and squeeze them and call them all George.

We’ve had good nature around the house lately.  On Saturday evening a praying mantis grabbed my toe as I walked outside to let the dog out – I thought I kicked a leaf until I looked closely, so I moved him to safety before we went in.  And Sunday I caught a baby snake to show Forrest, and he got to touch it before it slithered off into the brush.  Nature rocks!

Happy Tuesday!



Yellow block in the sun

My head is so full these days.  Of thoughts, of words, of images and ideas, of puzzle pieces suspended in mid-air, each waiting on the placement of another so they’re all just hanging there until I can get the first one in.  Lots of little steps to get that first one in.  I’m hoping once I get that first piece down the rest will fall nicely into place but you know how these gazillion-piece puzzles go – some parts are easy and some take *forever*.

I find I’m so preoccupied with the stuff in my head that by evening I’ve had it and all I want to do is zone out in front of the television or read a fluffy novel, neither of which are truly relaxing because the puzzle is still whirling and that first piece is still hanging.

I find at work I’m often thinking about home stuff, and at home I’m thinking about work stuff, and neither way is helping the current situation.  I have lists, and re-written lists, and reorganized lists, and I know what steps needs to be taken to get that first piece in place but I can’t do them while at work and don’t have a lot of unoccupied time to do them at home (becuase I don’t feel comfortable running power tools while trying to monitor a 2-year-old in the process), which means I need to wait until Forrest is in bed and I’m back to that point of the evening when all I want to do is zone out.

Luckily I don’t crave sweets right now or I’d be zoning out and growing an ass.

I know this is a phase, and I have plans on one of my lists to just get-er-done but SIGH it sucks to be here.  Are you ever here?  What do you do to move forward??



And now that I’ve written all of this out the dam should break.  Wish me luck!  = )


Wordless Wednesday



I forgot it’s not

What I want to be, but who

I already am







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