There’s no picture for this post because yesterday, my 37th birthday, I wasn’t worth photographing. I say that with absolute confidence: after a night in which I slept approximately 3 hours, in parts, because baby wouldn’t sleep unless I was standing and rocking him and when he did doze off I would keep myself awake coughing, I was tired (baggy eyes), frazzled (crazy hair) and barely presentable (a little spit, a little snot, a lot of wrinkles).
Baby did finally fall sleep around 7:30am, not that I could sleep with the coughing – he’s so used to it now he sleeps right through even when he’s laying on my chest. When he woke about 8:20 I called in sick to work and daycare, took him off to the other room to change his diaper, then we fell asleep in the spare bedroom together until 11:00, him babbling himself to sleep while playing with the zipper on my sweatshirt, me crying myself to sleep out of exhaustion and the realization all that goop coming out of his left ear means ear infection and no wonder he had a rough night, poor baby.
I tell you all of this not to garner sympathy or complain or whine – and I’m sure you all know I can whine with the best of them by now – but to say despite a crazy night and being tired still today, despite having a nasty cough that won’t go away and won’t respond to medicine, despite having a baby who has now started the ear-infection cycle, darnit, I’m a 37 year-old who wouldn’t choose to be anywhere else in life, doing anything else right now.
I’m so happy to have this baby, my husband, my general good health and a lovely home, many family and friends close by, and a job I enjoy. I’m so blessed. These bumps happen and give me something to laugh about later, but they’re just bumps. This life I’m living right now is the smooth road and the gold under the rainbow and the awesome.
As Forrest babbled and played yesterday, like nothing was wrong and he hadn’t cried most of the night, I thought about how good life really is. As he waved me away with an annoyed “mmmmnnnn” when I tried to give him another spoon of green beans yesterday, because he clearly would rather have that bite of banana please, I marveled at this little baby and all babies – durable little creatures they are. And again, I couldn’t help thinking how happy I really am and how blessed Matt and I are to have him.
So, 37 years old came in like a lion, all roars and pain and tears. I’m hoping it will go out like a lamb, a soft little baby on the way. No, this isn’t an announcement but a wish to put out in the world, for another baby to grace our lives.
I’ll keep you posted on that one. = )