Posts Tagged ‘blurry life’

Yup, life is a little blurry right now.  Out of focus.  Full of beauty still, but in a fuzzy fashion.

It’s a lack of direction.  A stuck-in-a-spot-ness.  An overwhelming desire to be pregnant again but a life that’s currently conspiring NOT to make that happen, and a bio-logical clock that says now or never, girl, you aren’t getting any younger.  We aren’t getting any younger.

It’s having a 20-month-old toddler who’s very active, busy, talkative (though we can’t understand him when he’s chattering at us, not quite yet!) and wants us to be part of it all.  He loves to color but wants us to color too, and draw pictures that he can color.  I bought an awesome little table & chairs set at Ikea that he rarely uses because he’d rather be sitting on someone’s lap.  I can’t blame him.

It’s working in an office that’s crazy-busy, but not so much for me.  Our methods have changed over the last year or so, with so much going out digitally instead of on paper, so that part of my job has gone away almost entirely.

It’s wanting a new purse/bag.  Girls, you know this one, right?  You have a purse/bag that’s working but it no longer makes you happy, but you don’t want to just buy any old thing because you want some specific features (without paying an arm and a leg), something different that you aren’t finding so you keep telling yourself (okay, maybe this part is just me), “I can make one!” but your weekends are full and by the time your very active toddler is in bed at night you lack the energy to start a new project…

Or the energy to exercise…

Or the energy to pull on my creative pants and do something…

I know Mars is in retrograde, I know this is just a phase, I know we’ll get pregnant or we won’t and either way is really, truly OK… but life is a blur right now.  So I’ll continue moving ahead with care until I can see clearly where I need to go.




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