Today I’m 39. It feels much like 38, really. Luckily it wasn’t like 37. (Note to future 40-year-old self: tap to focus on the face, not the hand…or maybe not. Maybe the soft focus is better… = )
This morning I forgot to put mousse on half my hair (actually I think I moussed the other half twice…), resulting in super-frizz craziness that I barely saved with quick thinking, no mean accomplishment at 5:45am. I’m wearing the skinny jeans I never thought I would wear (but really like), a too-casual-but-don’t-care t-shirt that expresses exactly what I want in my days, my birthday necklace from last year and my current favorite pair of earrings (from WhisperedTruths, they say “Free Yourself” and “Dance Into the Wind” The purple Soar necklace is definitely on my wish list), my favorite pair of turquoise/teal kitten heels, and a Cuties sticker on my hand.
I spent much of 38 waiting and floundering and wondering what to do next because I so expected, all year, to be pregnant again and on that road. But that didn’t happen. I also realized with the new year that I’d lost touch with my inner child, my magical side, my believer in whimsy – so I chose the word Allow to bring it all back. And I gifted myself with an Angel Reading by Kayla that was pure awesomeness. So good. Last year’s word was Abundance, chosen to encourage the whole get-pregnant thing, but it actually manifested in financial abundance and the lessening of stress and worry that goes with that. I’m eager to see what I can manifest with Allow this year.
In late January I got tired of feeling grumpy and achy and tired all the time so I started exercising and really paying attention to the foods going in my mouth. I’m happy to say I walk at lunch 3 times a week and try to fit in at least one day on the weekend; I’ve really been enjoying stretching to yoga music a couple nights a week for relaxation and to get rid of the stiff and achies; and I finally found a bellydance class that fits my schedule so that’s happening for the next 8 weeks of Thursday-night bliss. Total bliss. Instead of a file drawer full of chips and crackers and junk, I keep nuts and seeds, and plenty of veggies in the fridge at work. I still have chocolate or the occasional gummy candy, but the difference in my energy levels is huge. And I’m eating more fats than I have in my life (avocado, seeds and nuts and their yummy butters on apples and spoons and toast), drinking whole-milk lattes on occasion, and otherwise trying to choose good, real foods over filler. I don’t think I need to do a full Whole30 experiment, but reading about it has influenced my choices lately.
I’m also working to find and take back my creativity, my need to make and create and play. We’ll be moving Forrest into his big-boy room soon, like next week, which means I’ll have my studio back. This makes my heart jump for joy every time I think about it. It’s not like I haven’t had other places in the house I could work, but I need a place for ME again, to live my best messy, creative, leave-a-pile-and-not-worry-about-it self. And since I’ve been so inspired lately following Elise’s birthday projects, I’m going to choose 39 projects I’d like to accomplish this year, for me and maybe for gifts and likely to give away too. I’ll post those early next week.
Jumping for joy.
Have you ever realized you weren’t really happy, despite all the external signs that said you should be? I was there. Deeper than I realized. And I didn’t like it. So I’m taking my life back.
It feels sooooo good to take my life back.
Here’s to 39! Cheers!