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Here’s to 39

39 years old

Today I’m 39.  It feels much like 38, really.  Luckily it wasn’t like 37.  (Note to future 40-year-old self: tap to focus on the face, not the hand…or maybe not.  Maybe the soft focus is better… = )

This morning I forgot to put mousse on half my hair (actually I think I moussed the other half twice…), resulting in super-frizz craziness that I barely saved with quick thinking, no mean accomplishment at 5:45am.  I’m wearing the skinny jeans I never thought I would wear (but really like), a too-casual-but-don’t-care t-shirt that expresses exactly what I want in my days, my birthday necklace from last year and my current favorite pair of earrings (from WhisperedTruths, they say “Free Yourself” and “Dance Into the Wind”  The purple Soar necklace is definitely on my wish list), my favorite pair of turquoise/teal kitten heels, and a Cuties sticker on my hand.

I spent much of 38 waiting and floundering and wondering what to do next because I so expected, all year, to be pregnant again and on that road.  But that didn’t happen.  I also realized with the new year that I’d lost touch with my inner child, my magical side, my believer in whimsy – so I chose the word Allow to bring it all back.  And I gifted myself with an Angel Reading by Kayla that was pure awesomeness.  So good.  Last year’s word was Abundance, chosen to encourage the whole get-pregnant thing, but it actually manifested in financial abundance and the lessening of stress and worry that goes with that.  I’m eager to see what I can manifest with Allow this year.

In late January I got tired of feeling grumpy and achy and tired all the time so I started exercising and really paying attention to the foods going in my mouth.  I’m happy to say I walk at lunch 3 times a week and try to fit in at least one day on the weekend; I’ve really been enjoying stretching to yoga music a couple nights a week for relaxation and to get rid of the stiff and achies; and I finally found a bellydance class that fits my schedule so that’s happening for the next 8 weeks of Thursday-night bliss.  Total bliss.  Instead of a file drawer full of chips and crackers and junk, I keep nuts and seeds, and plenty of veggies in the fridge at work.  I still have chocolate or the occasional gummy candy, but the difference in my energy levels is huge.  And I’m eating more fats than I have in my life (avocado, seeds and nuts and their yummy butters on apples and spoons and toast), drinking whole-milk lattes on occasion, and otherwise trying to choose good, real foods over filler.  I don’t think I need to do a full Whole30 experiment, but reading about it has influenced my choices lately.

I’m also working to find and take back my creativity, my need to make and create and play.  We’ll be moving Forrest into his big-boy room soon, like next week, which means I’ll have my studio back.  This makes my heart jump for joy every time I think about it.  It’s not like I haven’t had other places in the house I could work, but I need a place for ME again, to live my best messy, creative, leave-a-pile-and-not-worry-about-it self.  And since I’ve been so inspired lately following Elise’s birthday projects, I’m going to choose 39 projects I’d like to accomplish this year, for me and maybe for gifts and likely to give away too.  I’ll post those early next week.

Jumping for joy.

Have you ever realized you weren’t really happy, despite all the external signs that said you should be?  I was there.  Deeper than I realized.  And I didn’t like it.  So I’m taking my life back.

It feels sooooo good to take my life back.

Here’s to 39!  Cheers!

 

By the street fullTouching the skypopcorn clustersBudding bloomsPlum perfectIn the whitePretty in pink

 

 

Wordless Wednesday

HeleboredaphneCotton Candy trees

 

 

 

Wordy Wednesday – Bliss

2.21.15 Tolovana Park

Last Saturday we enjoyed a jewel of a day at the Oregon Coast, crowned by the magic of a beautiful sunset.  We were heading for Cannon Beach and Forrest was so excited to see the ocean.  As soon as we hit the beach he said “Let’s go in there!” but changed his tune when the cold, wet sand touched his bare feet.  He did let his feet get a little wet and also had fun running from the waves with me, walking in the “snow” (the dry sand), and playing with Piper’s toys when he spotted her playing with here mommy and daddy up the beach.  2.5-year-olds have no problem zeroing in on a stranger’s toys but they really don’t know how to share yet.  : )

2.21.15 Forrest at the beach

I love the ocean air, the sound of the waves, collecting shells while enjoying the wet sand on my bare feet, and the sun especially this time of year; wow was that a treat.  I was fighting a new cold and a sore throat but still – bliss.  After a nap we came back out at sunset so Matt could do some razor-clamming in Seaside.

2.21.15 running for Daddy

Again, Forrest loved running around on the beach, chasing waves and tracking down Daddy in the dark.  It was all fun and games until snack time, when our hungry dog knocked him down in the wet sand, trying to get the teddy grahams…poor Forrest cried the entire way back to our warm car.  We snuggled in with crackers and baby videos on my phone while Matt caught his limit.

Matt clamming

The razor clams were darn tasty, too.

 

 

Just Start

Traffic Cone

I’ve had very little caffeine this week, not for any particular reason but that it feels like a good choice right now.  I doubt it’s forever.  Decaf green tea with half a spoon of turmeric honey stirred in is floating my boat instead.  More fruits, veggies and whole foods and less junk is feeling good too.

I’ve finally been exercising again, sometimes 5 times a week.  Some days it’s a 2 + mile walk at lunch, others it’s a mashup of HIIT routines in the evening.  I’m planning to add some dancing in the evenings too because I went and signed up to dance at the final ever Bellydance Showcase in late April (it’s a blast, there are great vendors, and you’ll see all levels of dance in an amazing, supportive environment – join me!  I’m Raven on Sunday afternoon).  It feels good.

I’ve been listening to this awesome podcast during my lunchtime walks – Raise Your Hand.  Say Yes.  Tiffany Han talks to creative people (and believes deeply in Just Start).  I know many of these names, I follow many of their blogs, I already admire their creativity and I love to hear other creative people talk about everything that goes into getting there, staying there, and being there.  Yes!

I want to make a business out of being creative – art, craft, vintage, what have you (talk about an inspiring lady!).  I think that means I need to change my brand from Curly Girl Press to something else – I have no brand or presence out there right now, I know this, yet I feel like I would be falsely riding the coat tails of Curly Girl Designs, a brand I really love and respect, in keeping my current name.  She’s worked too hard to have someone else try to come in to the industry who works with paper, often in collage, even if what I do isn’t what she does so well, AND with a brand name one word off of her’s.  The names are too close for me to feel respectful.  I may write and ask her opinion.

I would like to work 4 days at my day job and 1 at my creative life during the week.  That will mean some significant changes in the background – some loss of income, some changes at home, but it’s the only way I can see to make positive steps in the direction of becoming self-employed because trying to do it all on the weekend isn’t working.  I would gladly donate a good portion of my wardrobe for some house elves but I don’t think that’s an option, either…

I’m talking this all through with Matt.

Hi Universe, this is me taking that first step.  This is me making plans and setting goals.  This is me getting unstuck.  This is me raising my hand and saying yes, and *starting*.

Let’s go.

 

Morning skyLunchtime skyEvening sky

 

Wordless Wednesday – Sky

Sunrise fog 2.11.15 Early evening sky Blue sky trees

 

 

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